Well, the Bad Ship PMS is in dock right now, getting a total makeover, while First Officer/Medical/Navigator Skarlett K'Hara is off in search of Romulan Boy Toys. Meanwhile, I sit here in pain from the little session I had with Dr. M'Lar, the infamous Romulan dentist and Boy Toy. He assures me that the braces he will be putting on are NOT tracking devices. Good thing. The Tal Shiar really doesn't need to hear what goes on aboard (and I do mean BORED!) the PMS during the one week we females all have off every month. Next week, it's my turn to torture the good doctor. I think I'll file his ears down.

Skarlett was messing with our communications system, trying to get the Sci-Fi Channel for free, and ended up getting a never-ending succession (emphasis on the suck!) of talk shows. That's where she heard about the Romulan Boy Toys and decided to do some research on her own. (Yeah, right. Research, indeed!) In the meantime, I am watching "Female Ferengi Fashion Models", "Klingon Babes in Bondage", "Do the Ferengi Control Disney Marketing?" "Seedy Roms in Sexual Slavery" and other intergalactic tidbits. Not a bit of Mystery Science Theater in sight.

I guess it could be worse...one of the Rombabes on a neighboring ship told me that all she gets are terran religious channels featuring women with big hair and men putting their hands on the Big-Screen Viewer and saying, "Heel!" She wondered if all the emphasis on obedience had something to do with the Animal Planet bleeding over into the broadcast. Sit! Stay! Fetch your credit card!

I must go - the Ferengi have landed in my back yard and I have to hide my silverware...

Lady D, Head Bitch of the PMS.