Dear Kordite,
I have a real problem. Last month, A taxman
tried to take
my earnings from me. My protests that, since I was serving aboard a
Klingon Bird-of-Prey that only happened to be in Earth orbit for the
week, I was exempt from Earthling tax, were met with blank bureaucratic
stupidity. In the spirit of fostering goodwill between our noble race
and the filthy stinking rotten honorless scum, I did not immediately
shove a shockprod into his nether regions. This was a decision I came
to regret when I was detained by red tape (A more powerful restraining
force than a Cardassian Electroshock field) for so long that my ship
left orbit and I was marooned on the surface. After my repeated
requests for the location of the nearest Klingon Embassy were sneered
at with earthling slang ("F***ing loon thinks he's an alien.") I
allowed my better nature to take hold and began ripping the taxman limb
from limb with my bare hands. After this, my natural warrior's
instincts so joyously awakened, I went on a killing spree through the
local town during which I utilized, in no particular order, my
disruptor on a "lightly fried" setting, the aforementioned Shockprod,
my Klingon hunting knife, A chainsaw (A most satisfying weapon! I
heartily recommend it to my brother warriors!), A flagpole, A length of
heavy duty chain (Which I wrapped around the offender's necks and used
to pull-start their heads), a pump-action shotgun and a small but
effective tactical nuclear warhead.
My problem? Do you have any tips on removing
bloodstains?
My uniform is ruined!
--- Kahr'Nage N'Gor
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