Friends Don't Let
Friends Sign Treaties
by KwISt
"The crew of the DaSlargh sat at the conference table,
grinning proudly at the parchment they'd signed in blood. They
felt victorious in having cornered their foes into a surrender by
Klingon terms. From these chambers, the news would spread of the
greatest victory yet scored by the DaSlargh... or so they thought...
for nearly eight more hours..."
- from "The DaSlargh's Folly," Parables of
Kahless.
KAG STILL RULES!
KAG has flourished for fifteen years, and in that
time our forces in the Klingon Empire have learned many lessons.
Lucky for us, our every Thought Admiral had the wisdom and foresight to
head off the bureaucracy that had killed off many older regimes.
He instated the Five Rules we use to this very day. To a free
spirited Warrior, rules and boundaries may seem evil, but when they get
to be as battle-tested as the Five Rules are, they grow to earn respect.
Let's take Rule #3. "Sign No Treaties, Make No Alliances."
Sounds restrictive, doesn't it? I mean, wouldn't treaties or
alliances be useful in some circumstances? Yet this one
restriction has saved KAG from thousands more restrictions waiting to
happen.
We're Klingons, last I checked. Even our IXL members who aren't
quite Klingons are still Klingons where it counts. Fictional race
or not, we play in character as the exciting Warrior species of the
stars, charging forward in frenzied hoards against our
adversaries. What Klingon could ever imagine that force being
stopped by a lawyer citing the contractual obligations in an alliance
or treaty?
Don't get me wrong... personally I favor harmony among all living
things. I've fought for the rights of our members to share their
hobbies as they see fit (e.g. dual memberships), and I've produced
things to be shared across fan boundaries and beyond. But
contracts are not the path to understanding.
As an organizational entity, KAG exists only in our imaginations, which
is a good thing. Oh sure, we are indeed real people with real
activities, but beyond the constitution of our Five Rules, we don't
make people do stuff. Not as far as contractual obligations,
anyway.
Remember, we don't need unfun complications in order to show
professionalism in what we do. Good showmanship is our
hallmark. And every ship captain's desk needs an incinerator.
"It simplifies things enormously when
claims of honor are not present." -
Krenn, "The Final Reflection" by John M. Ford
THE BLOOD OATH WAR...
Ya wanna know how to obligate a party to War when
War is the last thing they want? Write it up in a
treaty of course! This is exactly how the Blood Oath War started,
and finished, nine years ago. You think I'm kidding? You
think someone can contractually obligate themselves to the very thing
they fear the most? Yes, they can. Some people have no clue
how stupid their words really are until someone else reads them aloud.
"There are two things that are infinite: The universe and
human stupidity. But with the universe, I am not entirely sure." -
Einstein
It started with some playful fans in California, innocently
enough. The first KlingKon was coming up, and some guys, members
of UFPI and RSE, thought they should commemorate the occasion with
(drumroll, please) a treaty!
....AND THE TREATY OF PEAS.
I must admit, they demonstrated an amazing skill in
hierarchically outlining their thoughts. I just wish they had
first thought their words through. How do you deter someone from
violations that threaten the peace? You threaten to declare war,
of course! Invade the Neutral Zone? That's an act of
War! Federation cloaking devices? War!
Standing too close? WARRR!!!!!
How clueless! Klingons don't view War as a deterrent... it's a
pastime! An enticement! The word Qoj means 'to make war', and we like
to use it.
KAG declined any signing of this Treaty. In fact, the local
KAGster, Ort Sev, showed his contempt by drawing blood from his hand
and dripping it. (As memory serves, the same was done earlier that
week on Babylon5 by G'Kar.) That's how the ensuing challenge
became known as "The Blood Oath War."
KAG's Demon Fleet was still wet behind the ears, but their skills for
impish parody were already shining.
When the text copy of 'The Treaty of Peace' got circulated on the
Klingon Fidonet echo (that's how we did things back in prehistoric
times) it was adapted as 'The Treaty of Peas' of KAG's Pirate Fleet.
When we read that Ort Sev's protest was twisted into 'signing it with
his blood,' we decided to test how good their word really was.
Sure, the structure was spiffy. But the legalistic
doubletalk was self-defeating.
[They weren't good trivia buffs, either. Klingon's don't have
a vacated Neutral Zone... that's for those introverted Romulans.
Instead they have a cohabited Organian Treaty Zone, where both Feds and
Klingons compete to colonize that space.]
By the coming Camp Dover Peace Conference, the RSE and UFPI had failed
to meet their signed obligations, so we gave them the War they asked
for. Thought Admiral Kris issued the declaration, and like most
KAG Wars, the win-win activity would benefit charity. This time,
it was a contest for who would donate the most blood, and a year and a
half later, KAG won. Yep, win-win... but KAG didn't look so
foolish. It wasn't the charitable work or the ability to act the
role... it was that we did it without bureaucratic lawmongering.
We did it for FUN!
FRIENDS HELP FRIENDS ELIMINATE TREATIES.
The moral of our story is that simple is good.
KAG doesn't ask you to memorize a regulation manual and the Magna
Carta, just Five Rules. Keeps it Fun. Fun is good.
Treaties complicate things enormously, and can unravel like a bad
sweater when the first loose thread gets tugged. Treaties are
bad. Even alliances and similar verbal promises carry bad
baggage. Better not to make promises and have nothing to keep.
Friendships are good. Interclub camaraderie and activities can be
great fun. Boundaries can also help... good fences make good
neighbors. But is a friendship that requires prenuptial
agreement really worth the complexity? Where's the Klingon spirit
in having to read the fine print?
- KwISt "the fly-by-my-eye guy"
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