Seekrit Journal of Captain Aak of the Martian Invasion Force
(and temporarily of the Imperial Xeno Legion)
Earthdate 7/1/02
Keep Out!

Curses! The Martian High Commander caught me showing mercy to one of these puny creatures during one of our Glorious Battles (actually I was just distracted momentarily by the sight of one of their women in a state of partial undress, but does anyone listen to ME? Noooooo....)

As punishment I have been cruelly and unjustly consigned to be a crew member on one of their Xeno Legion ships for an undetermined (and seemingly interminable!) span of time, the idea being...I suppose...that this forced familiarity will breed the appropriate contempt toward all alien life which my superiors feel I lack. And all this despite my plaintive protests....I am utterly innocent of these charges!

By the Great Brain! ...I have no love of these pitiful creatures! The Betazoid, the Mimbari and the Trill are disgustingly full of good-will and kindness. The Bajorans, despite their attractive warlike nature, have the most frustrating habits of discipline and forbearance. Ambassador Kalamari stinks of fish. And the Kazon.....does it really think that pile of fur atop its head can disguise the hideous fact that it lacks the lovely cranial convolutions of the Great Master Race of the Universe?

My misery is made at least partially bearable by the company of the Klingons, who have a rudimentary appreciation of guile, sudden violence, and the rest of the finer qualities that mark a sentient and civilized being.

I have been negotiating with the Ferengi in the hopes of obtaining a small runabout which I might use to liberate myself from the unwanted company of my noxious, uncivilized 'companions'. I look forward with delicious anticipation to the look on the Ferengi's face when it receives the payment it so anticipates, in the form of a plasma grenade down its checkered trousers.

But for now, I must content myself with my unhappy lot.....looking forward with the best optimism I can muster under these distressing circumstances, to the ultimate and glorious destruction of them all.

L. Captain Aak
Imperial Xeno Legion (for now...)