The Night Before Kristmas

By Kestrel

'Twas the night before Kristmas

And all through the ship

You couldn't hear a sound

Not even a blip.

The tribbles were hung

In the engines with care

With hopes that the warp drives

Wouldn't get clogged with their hair.

The warriors were alive

Not one was dead

And scenes from the recent battle

Danced through their heads.

With my targ at my side

I reached into my sack

And pulled out some food

For a well deserved snack

When out on the bridge

There arose such a racket

I sprang to my feet

To be ready to attack it.

Away to the bridge

I ran like a flash

Get out of my chair I yelled

Or I'll tear off your sash.

The noise on the bridge

Grew to a dull roar

Be silent I said

Or you'll get extra chores.

When what on the sensors

Display should blip

But a bunch of tiny dots

I knew to be ships.

On screen I commanded

And when I saw those flat foreheads

I knew in a second

It must be the Feds.

Out of the computer

The info it came

It beeped when finished

And gave each a name.

There's Yorktown and Essex

And Hood and Excelsior

And Intrepid and Saratoga

And Defiance and Endeavor.

Out of warp space they came

With a big flash of light

With all of those ships

Could they be picking a fight?

I thought to myself

As I studied the sky

Why bring so many

Do they all want to die?

So I opened a channel

To one of the ship's captains

And told him exactly

Of all that would happen.

The captain seemed amazed

He didn't understand fully

He asked me by name

Are you being a bully?

I looked in his eyes

For a very long while

Haven't you ever dealt with us

I asked with a smile?

Personally no

But I've heard quite a story

Of how battles with you

Can be pretty gory.

With eight ships to one

We stand a good chance

You'll never break through

Our defensive stance.

I laughed in his face

And gave the order to fire

Let's get this over with

I want to retire.

I said to the crew

As I looked into the night

Glory and honor to all

And to all a good fight.