Dear Demonic Press,
 

In response to your contest, I AM HIGHLY OFFENDED, BECAUSE I AM ALREADY EPETAI!!! How DARE you insinuate that ANYONE could EVER be epetai but me??!! I have been doing this now since before any of you were born! I was epetai long before anyone even knew what the word meant--and believe me, THAT caused a bunch of problems. So I hereby order you to declare this contest null and void, and send my prize with your reply.
 

Epetai Klod

Dear Demonic Press,
 

I should be epetai because I know all about duty. I served in the army for 12 years...well, okay, it's the Salvation Army, but by golly we saved those people and saved them good! Duty can't be emphasized enough... people are always forgetting it in favor of fun and fellowship and other such decadent crap. What this club needs is rules, and I can fabricate more of those than anyone!
 

Corp. Punishment

Dear Demonic Press,
 

I wanna be epetai. I really should be epetai, but I can't tell you why right now. I'll let you know why later. 'Nuff said.
 

K.

Dear Demonic Press,
 

Hi. Ground sucker K'Dang here. I wanna be epetai, I really could be epetai. I know how to do my job, I'm a leader of men. But you know how it is in this club. You work and you work and you work, and no matter what you do, there's no recognition. It's just all politics. It's, you know, who you know, not what you do. Every time you turn around, someone's plotting some way to get ahead. Why I've been the captain of at least two ships, and I did a good job too, except for, well, the crew. Always plotting, never showing up to meetings, I never even knew half of their names.
 

Ground sucker K'Dang

Dear Demonic Press,
 

Hi, K'Dang here again. I wasn't quite finished with what I was saying, but isn't that just like these people? To shut you up when you've got something important to say? Why, it's just as if they didn't value my oppini--
 

Editor's Note: The remaining 17 pages of Ground sucker K'Dangs entry have been omitted. In short, Groundsucker K'Dang wishes to be epetai...because.

Dear Demonic Press,
 

I have the perfect reason why I should be epetai. My fleet captain says the best leaders are people who don't want to be leaders and I don't want to be the leader. Hell, you can't make me do it! Therefore I would make the perfect epetai.
 

Signed Alrek

Esteemed Editors of the Demonic Press:
 

Due to the mandated brevity that you require in submissions to your contest, I am forced to limit the plentitude of outstanding reasons why I, more than any other, should be epetai. In fact, due to my extremely humble nature, it ill-behoves me to choose among my many virtues. So, in the interest of length, I will endeavor to be brief. I should be proclaimed epetai because of my massive intellect. An intellect that is sadly not shared by most of the membership.
 

K'Ranium

Dear Demonic Press,
 

I don't have to be epetai. I am a goddess.
 

Tthhhhbbbbbttttt!
 

K'Jett