Demonic Press #3

DEAR KORDITE

Advice for the Wartorn

yuch DaSuqchugh chongaghjaj'a'?

Dear Kordite,

I remember reading once that Klingons have an extra of all vital organs. Does this mean they have two penises?

--- A Curious Orion Chick

Dear Curious,

Don't you wish.

No, Klingons do not have two penises. The system redundancy manifests itself as a second pair of testicles. However, if it's any consolation, the Klingon penis is as ridged and hard as the Klingon forehead. The forehead may just be evolution's way of advertising; "ribbed for her pleasure."

Etymologically, the Klingon verb 'to mate;' ngagh, is very similar to the word for 'rock or stone;' nagh, the one being very much like the other.

This armored phallus is backed up by a warrior's endurance and lust for conquest. It has to be, for the female's genitalia are similarly armored. It takes a substantial amount of violence to stimulate a female Klingon's clitoris, hidden as it is behind subcutaneous plates and powerful muscles. Consequently, bruises, lacerations, rug burn and extensive property damage are common side-effects of Klingon mating.

Warning! Such a coupling should not be undertaken by a non-Klingon without having one's insurance paid up, a black-belt in karate and a trained team of paramedics standing by. Don't be surprised if your romantic dalliance lands you in a body cast.

Remember what curiosity did to the Caitian.

[signed Kordite]

Lt.Cmdr. Kordite vestai-Tasighor is Executive Officer of the IKV Dark

Justice and advice columnist for the Internet. Send your questions to

him via e-mail c/o kordite@fyi.net.

http://www.fyi.net/~kordite/advice11.htm -- Revised: 20 December 1996

P.S. If you're ever in my sector, feel free to stop by. I'm curious to know if there really is a location that Orions aren't just a little bit green. Comparative anatomy purely in the interests of science, of course.